How to work with your inner critic

Most of us at some point in our lives have had some awareness of an inner critic, a part within ourselves that harshly judges us whether that's for not doing the right thing, for not doing enough, not being enough, not doing something differently etc.

The inner critic parts can be judging us from the littlest things to the biggest ones and this may have become an automatic experience that just happens unconsciously.

It can feel quite draining and defeating and it is often affecting our confidence and peace to freely

be ourselves.

The usual advice that many people give is to go against your inner critic and prove them wrong

or ignore them.

While this might sometimes work (usually for a little bit), there is a lot of resistance that we have

to fight through, which can be very tiring for our whole system.

While when we get to know our inner critic(s) this can help us increase our awareness and understanding, so that then we can support them and update them with new information that would mean that they don't have to carry the burden of having this tiring role anymore, especially to that extend.

The inner critics are not actually against you, even though it might seem so.

They are trying to help you out in some way from their perspective. 

Here is a way to get to know them and their role in your system so that you can

better support them:

When you observe an inner critic part in your system, ask them the following question:

What would happen if you let me feel good about myself?

Take a moment to give space and see what comes up as the answer.

The answer to this question will guide you to understand what the pattern

of the inner critic is.

For example, the inner critic might say that if they let you feel good about yourself,

you would then feel confident and try new things which might expose you to potential rejection, which would be difficult to handle.

Or they might say that if they let you feel good about yourself, you might be unprepared when others judge you externally and it would hurt more if the judgment comes from others first.

As mentioned earlier, inner critics usually have a good intention for us and they are trying to protect us, but they often don't know any other way to do it and so they repeat what they have learned when we were young.

Very often they might even represent the voice of a caregiver who was being judgmental or critical towards us when we were growing up and so we internalised that same message - again here the intention of that critic would likely be to help you avoid repeating the same hurt of being judged by others if only this inner criticism "prepares" you enough by to constantly strive to improve and be better.

But what the inner critic doesn't know, is that this doesn't have to be the case anymore and that they don't have to constantly be in this role.

You can still strive to be better but instead of this coming from a shaming motivation it can come because you naturally want to learn and evolve, which puts a lot less pressure and anxiety in your body and mind.

When we get to know and understand the inner critic parts, we can support them with their concerns and update them with new information that can ease their role while increasing the inner safety to move forward. 💫